Online Dater Extraordinaire
I know, I know…but before you boo me and throw things at the screen, you need to hear me out. The guy I met will henceforth be referred to as Maui Wowie (as christened my good friend Zack Attack). I met Maui Wowie right at the end of my last installment. He is tall, strong, handsome, and successful—a real good catch. We went out on several dates, and in fact we are still chatting. There is just one problem…he is absolutely in no way—not even close—to being funny. I mean, NOT EVEN CLOSE! Now, this is not one of those things where I am trying to find something wrong with the guy because I am afraid of commitment. No, this is the God’s honest truth. The conversation is interesting, the dinners are good, the pecks on the check are nice…but, for the love of all that is holy, the guy is about as funny as constipation. I’m not saying I have them rolling in the aisles, but I fancy myself a bit of a laugh. Even so, I can’t carry all the water on this one. Think back to the last time you made it through dinner and drinks without laughing once…mine was last week!
Okay, so we are going to take it down a notch and get serious. Friends, lean in close because I am about to let you in on a little something I have learned in these past few months…a little nugget (as Ash and I would say). We are going to talk a little bit about humor. As both Ashley and I have stated in previous posts, we are pretty freaking funny people. Seriously. My particular brand of humor requires a certain something…it is not easy to put your thumb on. I am never really outright making fun of people I KNOW (although, anyone I don’t know is free game). But even when I do, I prefer to think of my “criticism” of people as more observation with thought-provoking commentary included for free. Yes, my humor is more of a commentary of the people and the world around me. The best part about humor is when nothing is off limits, myself included. Call me juvenile and crude—call me whatever you please—but I say the more dirty and honest the funnier, because an honest life is dirty… and scenarios about hoes, pimps, and your mom are just plain funny.
So I realize that I have come to a crossroads of sorts with Maui Wowie,a defining line in the world of dating. Do I want to start thinking seriously about this person? Can I really start to think seriously about a person who is this serious? Are my crude humor and sometimes juvenile personality a sign of the age difference between Maui Wowie and myself (about 10 years) OR is this just simply who I am? Should I keep getting out there and meeting new people or should I invest some more time in Maui Wowie? Is it time for him to meet the friends or is it time to go back to the site for seconds?
See, the thing is that dating at this point in the game is like the massive salad bar at the Ponderosa: you start with the basics—lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers—and it is your basic house salad. But the farther you get down the aisle the more options come out of the woodwork. There is the broccoli that you could put on because it is healthy, but you really don’t want to; there are those red beets that you see old people put on to help their colon; there is the diced ham, the boiled eggs, the garlic croutons, onions, bacon bits, hot peppers, tuna, olives, sunflower seeds…it is almost too much, to say nothing of the pudding and cake at the end. You get excited and on the first trip you take all of those interesting, fun, new options just to see how it feels…but on the second trip you finally say to yourself: that last salad was crap. It was way too much. Now I need to get what I really want.
In the end, a sometimes juvenile, often crude, and always funny person is just who I am…and it is time to go back for a second trip. On my second trip to this dating bar I am ready to get what I really want: someone who is funny. Someone who makes me laugh.
…F*** them if they can’t take a joke!!