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|The Adventures of K:
Online Dater Extraordinaire
|Installment #3: Let the Judging Begin|
|It has come to my attention that the masses are crying out to hear about the dates. Well, give the people what they want--that's what I say! So today everyone is in for a BIG TREAT (and those who know me know how much I love a good treat). Today you are going to get TWO, yes count them TWO installments of the column...now don't you feel special.
Where were we? Ah yes: Must Have's/Can't Stands. Once again my interest is peaked at the notion of having a chance to let everyone know the things that I must have in life and, of course, the things I can not stand. Up to this point this process has had as much free thought as a communist regime...but that was all about to change. Here is my chance for self-expression, and since all the things I like and hate are completely normal and in no way smack of neurotic I am PUMPED! But oh, how the bubble bursts. Yes, we get to list 10 things we "must have" and 10 things that we "can't stand" (as if I could rank them), BUT we must CHOSE FROM A PRE-ORDAINED LIST! Again with the lists. But if you can't beat them...join them. So are a few jewels from the list of things that I potentially must have:
Chemistry... I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.
Communicator... I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.
Sense of Humor... I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.
Verbal Intimacy... must know that my partner is sharing their deepest emotional thoughts and desires. (THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HEARD THE PHRASE "VERBAL INTIMACY" AND HOPEFULLY THE LAST)
Emotionally Healthy... I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else. (I AM ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A TOTAL BASKETCASE)
Strong Character... I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing.
Artistry... I must have a partner who has a passion for music, literature, drama, art, and the finer things in life either as a spectator or participant. (I LIKE HOW LITERATURE AND DRAMA ARE THE "FINER THINGS IN LIFE"...WHAT ABOUT CASHMERE AND DIAMONDS?)
Autonomy... I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.
Family Life... I must have a partner who is committed to marriage, home, and family.
Shared Interests... I must have someone who is willing to share my interests and passions. (OK, WHAT WHERE THE LAST BILLION QUESTIONS ABOUT???? I THOUGHT WE HAD ALREADY NARROWED IT DOWN.)
Style and Appearance... I must have someone who cares about the way they look and dress and has a sense of personal style.
Shared Politics... I must have someone who has political beliefs which are the same or similar to my own. (NO, NO—I WILL BE THE BRAINS. YOU BE THE LOOKS.)
Spirit of Volunteerism... I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.
No Children... I must have someone who shares my desire to not have children.
Family... I must have someone who shares my desire to have or adopt children.
Staying In... I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having quiet evenings alone or with close friends.
Sociability... I must have a partner who loves to socialize with lots of different people.
Spirituality... I must have someone with a similar deep commitment to spirituality, who shares my beliefs.
Spiritual Acceptance... My partner must accept and respect my spiritual beliefs, whether they share them or not.
Responsible... My partner must be financially responsible.
Ambition... I must have a partner who shares my desire to achieve high financial and/or career goals.
Abstinent... I must have a spouse who has saved himself/herself sexually for marriage. (DON’T THEY HAVE CERTAIN SITES FOR THIS?)
Traditional... I must have someone who is reserved and traditional in their sexual needs.
Sexually Knowledgeable... I must have someone who is mature and experienced as a potential sexual partner and is able to express himself/herself freely. (READ: KINKY)
Passionate... I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.
First- I appreciate that they explain what each general topic is...Just in case you don't know what abstinence is they give you a little write-up~ like dating with a dictionary. At this point you can still be successful at this process…even if you don't have opposable thumbs. Now keep in mind you can only choose 10 and this is a sampling. But here is my question: what does this mean for the things I don't choose—does it mean I don't feel I must have them? If I don't pick "Passionate" does that mean I am okay going without passion? Because I am not. Tricky...very tricky.
Okay now the list of potential can't stands:
Vanity... I can't stand someone who is overly interested in their physical appearance.
Dependence... I can't stand someone who bases their happiness on me.
Depressed... I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life.
Lying... I can't stand someone who lies to anyone-especially to me.
Cheating... I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.
Cynicism... I can't stand someone who generally sees the world from a cynical perspective. (YOU CAN'T USE THE WORD YOU ARE TRYING TO DEFINE IN THE DEFINITION.)
Anger... I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.
Self-Centered... I can't stand someone whose main topic of conversation is himself/herself. (BECAUSE WE SHOULD ALWAYS BE TALKING ABOUT ME.)
Rude... I can't stand someone who is belittling, impatient or hateful to people in any situation.
Unhappy at Work... I can't stand someone who hates their job and complains about it all the time.
Materialistic... I can't stand someone who sees material items as a measure of success. (BUT YOU SHOULD DRIVE A SWEET CAR.)